For me, Disney Channel Original Movies rank right below Mr. Feeny and right above The Reverend and Mrs. Camden on the list of most important influences on my childhood. And whether it was High School Musical Pop Up Edition or Halloweentown, I learned a lot from these films. Surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, the lessons you learn when you watch these movies as an adult change a little bit. As part of a little experiment I did (and as a way to put off all real homework), I rewatched a bunch of DCOMs to figure out what the real take-aways are. So here’s what I’ve learned:
The Luck Of The Irish
As a Child: You should be careful what you
be careful what wish for.
As an Adult: You should be careful what you wish for AND Irish people are probably all leprechauns. Also all problems can be solved with a group rendition of “This Land is Your Land.”
Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century/The Zequel
As a Child: Trust your instincts about aliens and bad guys, and parents should really listen to their kids more often.
As an Adult: Living in space would be super cool, and of course your parents didn’t trust you, Zenon. What did you expect? You’re basically a pathological liar.
The Cheetah Girls
As a Child: Friendship trumps everything, even the record deal of a lifetime. And matching velour tracksuits are SUPER trendy.
As an Adult: Galleria (Raven Simone) is a pretty shitty friend. Also no one with any sense would ever turn down the record deal of a lifetime in the name of friendship. Not in this economy, no way, uh-uh. Cheetah girls, you lived in a pre-recession America, you wouldn’t understand.
As a Child: Be wary of strange
technology and if your younger sister is suspicious of your robotic house, maybe you should trust her.
As an Adult: Absolutely everyone, even Disney, was scared of Y2k. Also technology will probably one day take over the world. (And now let’s all observe a moment of silence for Ryan Merriman’s career.)
As a Child: Anything boys can do girls can do (better.)
As an Adult: “Guys love it when you can show them you’re better than them at something they love.” (Quote Credit: Leslie Knope.) Also, if you go undercover as a male biker dude, you will definitely fall in love with a super cute motocross biker dude. 9/10 couples meet this way.
Gotta Kick it Up!
As a Child: Yes we can, and cheerleading is super cool.
As an Adult: Did Obama steal his slogan from a DCOM?
Mom’s Got a Date With a Vampire
As a Child: You should be wary of
strangers, and vampires are probably everywhere.
As an Adult: Be careful, the world is a scary place and your blind date might try to kill you.
High School Musical
As a Child: We are all really in this together.
As an Adult: Sometimes dancing IS cooler than homework. Also we never really figured out what we’re supposed to do when “your head’s in the game, but your heart’s in the song.”
The Thirteenth Year
As a Child: Puberty seems fucking weird.
As an Adult: Puberty IS fucking weird. And… nope that’s it. That’s
the only take away.