An Honest Thought I Had

#life

I moved to New York City when I was 23 years old, with too many possessions and too many hopes. It took me a whole year to get here — symbolically of course. In reality, I took I95 transferred to the FDR and drove all the way through to my East Village apartment, which took about an hour and a half.

But I had spent a whole year trying to move to New York City, and now that I made it here I couldn’t decide if it was everything I wanted it to be or nothing at all.

I lived two lives in this city. One where I went to art galleries, rooftop concerts and expensive Sunday brunches. And one where I heated up frozen food, took work home with me most nights, and wondered if adulthood was just a huge sham.

In keeping with those two lives, I spent 50% of my time breathing in that New York City magic that Friends and Sex and the City convince you floats in the air. The other 50% I spent crying or anxious over whether or not my life was what it should be at this age. I mean, 23 is young but shouldn’t I be trying more things, dating more, cooking real recipes, or at a spin class?

So three months into my stint in the Big Apple, I had fewer answers than I did a year prior. 12 months ago I had a dream I could bank on. The very dream every New York City newcomer has. Now the dream was gone, replaced by an overpriced apartment, a so-so job, and a general anxiety that I might get mugged, or assaulted, or killed by a terrorist on my way home from a friend’s house at night.

It was about three months into living here that I realized that I would be the last girl at the dance. That my friends were each living in New York City for a finite number of minutes, hours, days and years that they had pre-planned. Each of them had already parceled their twenties out into chapters — New York City was just the first chapter in their life stories. And when I looked at the rest of my twenties I saw nothing beyond right now.

To be continued…

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The bachelor recap

This Week’s Episode of The Bachelor: Cars and Girls

television, the bachelor

Check your Bachelor fantasy league scores and hunker down, here’s what you missed on this week’s episode of The Bachelor.

Another January, another journey for love. Where does ABC start off this season? Thankfully, with a recap of Arie’s journey through The Bachelor franchise, to remind young millennials just exactly who he is.

I have to admit, I’m a pretty big fan of The Bachelor, and even I didn’t know who Arie Luyendyk Jr. was when they announced the 36 year-old, racecar-driver-turned-real-estate-agent as The Bachelor. (I’m sure I’ll learn to pronounce his name at some point.)

And to jog our memories even more, ABC schedules a sitdown meeting between Sean Lowe (The Bachelor five years ago), his wife Catherine, and Arie. You’ll remember Sean as the only Bachelor in this history of the show to remain with the woman to whom he gave his final rose. Yep, those are the odds we’re working with. (The Bachelorette has a success rate closer to 50%, for reference.)

the bachelor recap

This year, Sean offers up some subpar advice. You’ll remember it as the same advice that he gave to Ben and Chris Soules two and three years respectively. As they are currently both single, take his advice as you will.

ABC highlights a few women with video montages that could double as The Real World audition reels. Here’s what we’re working with this season:

Caroline, a realtor from Massachusetts (who went to high school with my cousin!), Nysha, a nurse from South Carolina, Tia, a physical therapist from Arkansas (who was friends with Raven from last year’s season), and a taxidermy enthusiast (which is a thing, I suppose?), named Kendall from California. Oh, Kendall. 

the bachelor recap

After the intro videos, I have a few thoughts running through my head: To the girl from Salt Lake who is so used to being pursued that she’s never had to pursue a guy before, you can see your way out; and to the 23 year-old professional photographer, Maquel, why did you put a sheet over the bride and groom you were photographing?

Based on my first impressions of the girls walking out of the limo, my favorites are Caroline, Jacqueline, Krystal (the Amanda Stanton of this season), and Bekah.

But, far and away, the best part of this whole show is that each girl seems genuinely surprised by the number of other girls that arrive. As if the number of contestants drastically changes one year versus the next.

the bachelor recap expectations

And overall, my biggest takeaway is that ABC is recruiting Laurens at an alarmingly fast rate. There are four Laurens this season, up from only two Laurens two years ago. That’s an 100% increase in only 2 years! At this rate, the entire show will be entirely Laurens in less than 5 years. (I predict season 27.)

The first night of The Bachelor is always fiercely uncomfortable to watch, and this season doesn’t disappoint. But, they hit a new low when one girl asks Arie to  smell her pits. You know? To make a good first impression. At that point I genuinely had to put my head in my hands.

the bachelor recap head in hands

After the introductions come to a close (I would’ve recapped them but they were surprisingly underwhelming this year), Arie proposes a toast, “To getting a second chance for love.” Then, each girl attempts to chokes down their cocktails before stealing him for a little alone time. Ah, the bloodbath begins. First up is Chelsea.

As the night wears on, girls literally line up to get their turn to speak to Arie for 30 seconds. A few highlights from their 30 second conversations: Brittany and Arie race child-sized cars, one girl gives him a foot massage, and Caroline and Arie eat pizza. Props to Caroline. Theirs could be the most powerful pizza-related love story since Pizza My Heart.

And, as the night progresses, a new Olivia Caridi (remember her from Ben’s season?) emerges from the crowd. And yes, it’s Chelsea. She breaks the cardinal Bachelor rule, by pulling Arie aside for a second conversation before every girl even has a chance to talk to him once. And throughout the episode, she provides more UV protection than a Sunglass Hut. (*BECAUSE*OF*ALL*HER*SHADE*)

Unsurprisingly, she, too, wins the first impression rose. I’ve got my eye on you, Chelsea.

We blink and it’s time for the rose ceremony. As the sun begins to rise over the desert location of The Bachelor mansion, the girls shift nervously in their stilettos. But, unlike the two hour premiere episode, I won’t keep you waiting. Here are last night’s (read, last September’s) victors:

Still in the Driver’s Seat: Caroline, Maquel, Annaliese, Chelsea, Jacqueline, Bekah, Tia, and presumably at least two of the Laurens.

Not on Track: Brittane, Jessica, Olivia, and at least one of the Laurens.

As a side note, I’ve come to the rather upsetting realization that many of these girls are younger than me… and yet are somehow ready for marriage. Along with Bekah’s mysterious age (which I’ve heard is 22), this is something I’ll have to ponder between this week and next. 

Until then…

What You Missed on Last Night’s Episode of The Bachelorette: The Winner Takes It All

humor, television, the bachelor

Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Dallas where we lay our scene. From ancient grudge break to new rose ceremonies, Where civil group dates make civil drama unclean. 

Tonight’s episode of The Bachelorette involves two fewer suicides than Romeo & Juliet, but let’s be real, just as much drama. Should I do this blog post in iambic pentameter? 

What You Missed On This Week’s The Bachelorette: Norway Is Matt in the Final Six?

humor, television, the bachelor

This week’s episode of The Bachelorette is a two-parter. In part one, Captain von Trapp hires fraulein Maria to be a nanny to his seven kids. In part two, he and Maria get married and fight the Nazis. 

Wait, sorry guys. I’m doing that thing again where I mix up The Bachelorette and The Sound of Music. They both are set in scenic locales, they both heavily feature conflict, it’s an easy mistake.  

Emptying My Twitter Drafts Part II

#life, humor

It’s been a while and my Twitter drafts folder is starting to become as cluttered at the Forever21 sale section. I’ll let you decide if these tweets are more or less valuable than the black unitard that says “UNAVAILABLE” across the chest that I saw in the Forever21 sale section last night.   

On Adulthood:Artboard 18

What You Missed On The Bachelorette: Can’t She Just Be Romanced?

humor, television, the bachelor

Wow there is a crazy showdown at the start of this week’s episode. Squaring off in one corner, weighing in at 225 lbs we have Eric, the personal trainer. And in the other corner, weighing in at 165 lbs (soaking wet) we have Lee, the singer-songwriter.

As well all know, in the storied history of one-on-one altercations, singer-songwriters almost always come out on top. 

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What You Missed On The Bachelorette: Basketball Is My Favorite Sport (Finish The Lyric)

humor, television, the bachelor

As Memorial Day came to a close I thought back on all the sacrifices our soldiers made for our country. And I couldn’t help but wonder, are we all soldiers in the war for love? 

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Okay, that’s my one and only shot at being Carrie Bradshaw. Here’s what you missed on this week’s edition of The Bachelorette: 

Another Bachelorette Recap: Another Journey To Love

humor, television, the bachelor

So how about that episode of Dancing with the Stars last night, right? Just kidding guys, you know why we’re here. The Bachelorette is back. 

Is everybody ready to take off your lawyer hat and put on your love hat? (Paraphrased slightly from Rachel’s opening intro.) 

As Chris Harrison is quick to point out, our Bachelorette, Rachel, has everything. Great friends, a loving family, a powerful career… she’s just missing one thing: the most expensive dating app on the market, ABC. 

Life Update Pt. I: Mozzarella Sticks and Good News

#life, Uncategorized

Hey friends, it’s been a while. I don’t write much anymore, which is on me. But, at the request of my sister, I’m back at my metaphorical piece of notepaper ready to talk. 

Things are happening in my life. I think. Well, technically things are happening to everyone every day. But let me correct myself. Good things are happening in my life. I mean, right now, I’m halfway into an order of mozzarella sticks, and this might be the peak happiness a person can feel.

i don't know

I Guess, What I’m Trying to Say is…

#life, Uncategorized

Eek, guys, I haven’t posted in a while. I’d like to say I haven’t been writing because my social calendar is bursting at the seams. But that’s not really the truth. I’ve had the time, I just haven’t been able to figure out what to write about lately. 

When I started writing two years ago, I was living in London and having awkward encounters with foreigners, going on grand escapades, and making blog-worthy memories every day (multiple times a day). That blog basically wrote itself. Then I moved back to Boston and I tried to chronicle what it was like to be ending a big chapter of my life.