Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Dallas where we lay our scene. From ancient grudge break to new rose ceremonies, Where civil group dates make civil drama unclean.
Tonight’s episode of The Bachelorette involves two fewer suicides than Romeo & Juliet, but let’s be real, just as much drama. Should I do this blog post in iambic pentameter?
This week’s episode of The Bachelorette is a two-parter. In part one, Captain von Trapp hires fraulein Maria to be a nanny to his seven kids. In part two, he and Maria get married and fight the Nazis.
Wait, sorry guys. I’m doing that thing again where I mix up The Bachelorette and The Sound of Music. They both are set in scenic locales, they both heavily feature conflict, it’s an easy mistake.
So how about that episode of Dancing with the Stars last night, right? Just kidding guys, you know why we’re here. The Bachelorette is back.
Is everybody ready to take off your lawyer hat and put on your love hat? (Paraphrased slightly from Rachel’s opening intro.)
As Chris Harrison is quick to point out, our Bachelorette, Rachel, has everything. Great friends, a loving family, a powerful career… she’s just missing one thing: the most expensive dating app on the market, ABC.
When this week’s episode starts everyone is reeling from the bomb that Nick dropped. You remember, when Nick said he wasn’t sure this show would work out for him? Well, to clarify, not everyone is reeling. A very select group of six women on a reality show are shocked that Nick might not find love.
Most people, law of averages say, are not reeling from Nick’s declaration that he may not find love on the show. Most people probably forgot that it happened in last week’s episode and just carried on with their lives unfazed by the speed bumps on Nick’s road to true love. Or (more likely) they don’t watch The Bachelor at all.
When we last saw our friends they were in New Orleans, in the midst of the two-on-one date from hell. Taylor had made the gutsy decision to re-interrupt Corinne’s dinner date with Nick. Tonight’s episode features fourteen people on a search for love. These are their stories. *Dun Dun*
Taylor the re-interruptor (no comic book deal pending), comes back from the dead* to give Nick a stern talking to and to remind him that Corinne is NOT there for the right reasons.
*What do you mean they don’t kill the women off after they get kicked off the show? I thought that was part of the structure of the show. Sigh.
We have a new president and yet we’re still watching the same drama on The Bachelor. How many weeks in a row can Corinne behave like a child before she gets the boot? Let’s find out.
When we left off, Vanessa and Nick were in a heated conversation about Corinne. Vanessa calls him on HIS SHIT, and has a real take-it-or-leave-it attitude which I really admire. Nick leaves the mansion for a few hours, giving the girls plenty of time to confront Corinne before they have to start putting their faces on for the rose ceremony.
Sometimes I think I would be more psychologically healthy if I didn’t watch this television show. Unfortunately for me there is no twelve-step program designed to get me to stop watching, no nicotine-style patch to help me get over this addiction. So I’ll just keep writing until years and years into the future, with my dying breath, I whisper, “What even are the right reasons?”
We find ourselves back here again, friends. The whole world could go to shit (and so many people think it has), and ABC would still air The Bachelor. And I’ll let you in on a secret: I would still be blogging about it.
I’m rooting for Nick this season, guys. If any of you followed along as I blogged during Katilyn’s season, I trashed him for being on the show “for the wrong reasons.” But if this guy is really willing to attempt to find a fiancé on national television for the FOURTH time, I’ll root for him.
There was a lot of reality television on last night, wasn’t there? But, relax. I’ll stick to what I know: The Bachelorette.
It’s hometown week. Come on, y’all. This week’s episode has to be a good one. (FYI, I’ll be adding the “y’all” periodically as I see fit during these hometown dates. We’re going to Texas, after all.)
The first hometown date of the episode is Chase. This is the portion of the episode I’ll refer to as: “The right relationship is everything.” For Chase’s hometown date, he brought JoJo to some random mountain in Colorado. I have to say that at first, it was a little unclear if he lived on the mountain or if there was a house somewhere for them to go. While sitting on the mountain, Chase confesses to JoJo that his parents are divorced and that the divorce was about as messy as one of JoJo’s top knots. More on this later.
Who’s ready for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1? I know I am. If you missed my recap last week, you can find it here. This week ABC is trying something new, a two part episode of The Bachelorette. For those of you who hate this show, that adds up to a four hour search for true love this week alone, so I suggest you strap in. (TBH if you hate this show, I have NO idea why you are reading this recap.)
Let’s git ‘er done.
This episode Chad is going to go berzerk. Evan says that if Chad gets a date this week and he doesn’t he will be… very… upset. Cue ABC giving Chad a one-on-one date. Jk, the first one-on-one date goes to Chase. Aka the star of my Bachelorette fantasy team and of all of my dreams. Outside the mansion, Chris Harrison cleans up the toilet paper from when JoJo and some guy TP’d the mansion last episode. Oh vandalism. Classic first date move.