So how about that episode of Dancing with the Stars last night, right? Just kidding guys, you know why we’re here. The Bachelorette is back.
Is everybody ready to take off your lawyer hat and put on your love hat? (Paraphrased slightly from Rachel’s opening intro.)
As Chris Harrison is quick to point out, our Bachelorette, Rachel, has everything. Great friends, a loving family, a powerful career… she’s just missing one thing: the most expensive dating app on the market, ABC.
We find ourselves back here again, friends. The whole world could go to shit (and so many people think it has), and ABC would still air The Bachelor. And I’ll let you in on a secret: I would still be blogging about it.
I’m rooting for Nick this season, guys. If any of you followed along as I blogged during Katilyn’s season, I trashed him for being on the show “for the wrong reasons.” But if this guy is really willing to attempt to find a fiancé on national television for the FOURTH time, I’ll root for him.
Can you believe that we are here again? Somehow ABC tricked us all into spending another night watching this show. Here we go, here we go again.
Post-conversation with Chris Harrison, Chad comes into the house to have a short convo with the boys. Like a kindergartener, he has a little bit of trouble expressing his feelings. As in he doesn’t know how to express his feelings at all. Somehow, they come to a reconciliation together, a reconciliation which seems about as sturdy as that tightrope Joseph Gordon-Levitt walked across in that movie The Walk. But don’t worry, the ABC producers are on the case. They’re going to throw a pool party. That’ll fix this.
Who’s ready for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1? I know I am. If you missed my recap last week, you can find it here. This week ABC is trying something new, a two part episode of The Bachelorette. For those of you who hate this show, that adds up to a four hour search for true love this week alone, so I suggest you strap in. (TBH if you hate this show, I have NO idea why you are reading this recap.)
Let’s git ‘er done.
This episode Chad is going to go berzerk. Evan says that if Chad gets a date this week and he doesn’t he will be… very… upset. Cue ABC giving Chad a one-on-one date. Jk, the first one-on-one date goes to Chase. Aka the star of my Bachelorette fantasy team and of all of my dreams. Outside the mansion, Chris Harrison cleans up the toilet paper from when JoJo and some guy TP’d the mansion last episode. Oh vandalism. Classic first date move.
Don’t ask me what rock I’ve been hiding under, guys, I’m honestly not sure. Forgive me for poorly paraphrasing Ygritte, but I know nothing about Game of Thrones. So this recap series is going to be a little different than any I’ve done before.
Don’t get me wrong, I listened as my friends freaked out over last year’s leaked episodes. I, too, was surprised that Jon Snow and the red-haired actress started dating in real life. But I am not historically a Game of Thrones fan. Not even close. This recap is going to be told through the eyes of someone who knows almost nothing about the Targaryens or the generations-old rivalry for the throne. I’m jumping in here blind, not doing any research, and I am going to pick it up as I go. I hope you enjoy. Here goes nothing:
It’s time for Ben to make the biggest decision of his life. And I’m not being hyperbolic, that’s actually how Chris Harrison’s voiceover describes it at the start of the show. Just based off of the amount of crying happening in the preview for tonight’s episode, this one looks like a doozy.
Chris Harrison, back on set to complete his two hours of required work each season, also teases at the beginning of the show that Ben might get married in the live after show at 10 p.m., because, like… why not?
Okay, Here's The Situation 