Modern Romance Vol. 1: The …

She had liked him for a while and she thought he liked her back.

Weeks of flirting, hair-flipping and fake laughing as he walked by, all came down to this one moment.

The fate of their whole relationship hung in the balance as she stared hopefully, waiting for him to make a move. “Did he like her?”

Suddenly her heart leapt as she saw the writing beneath the text bubble go from “Delivered 10:04 p.m.” to “Seen 10:05 p.m.”

Every glimmer of hope existed in the three dots that appeared next.

…

By “Received 10:07 p.m.” her heart was broken.

What You Missed on the “Emotional” Season Finale of The Bachelorette: Oh No, JoJo. (Unfortunate Rhyme)

humor, television, the bachelor, Uncategorized

It’s the finale finally. Are you all ready to find out the winner of The Bachelorette (aka JoJo’s future ex-boyfriend)? Let’s do this.

Continue reading →

What You Missed on This Week’s Episode of The Bachelorette: It Actually Is Too Little Too Late

humor, television, the bachelor, Uncategorized

Just based off where last week’s episode ended and where this one begins, it seems to me that JoJo has been out there on that tarmac crying for this past week without stop. For those of you who missed last week’s episode, it ended with JoJo running off onto the airplane hangar they were on and crying into the darkness.

For the past week, the rest of America has been sitting on the edge of their seats begging for an answer to this question: Is she going to send Luke home? That was the teaser to the end of last week’s episode. For those of you who missed it, JoJo was about to dump Luke when he pulled her aside to tell her he loves her. JoJo, I can relate. The last time just as I was about to dump a hot veteran who was in love with me (and was basically a male protagonist in a Nicholas Sparks’ novel), he told me he loved me too. It’s rough, but I made it through and so will you.

Continue reading →

Coffee and Me: A Love Story

humor

In the same way that serious drug addicts will never forget their first hit, I will never forget my first cup of coffee. It represented, for 16 year-old me, the surest and easiest way to look, seem and act mature. Packaged right in the styrofoam cup in my hand was a quick and easy way to develop yellowed teeth, insomnia and so many other adult problems that I have since acquired. And if I were smart, I would have swatted that cup of black coffee out of my own hands and run for the hills with the fervor and determination of the von Trapp family at the end of The Sound of Music.

Continue reading →

What You Missed on The Finale of The Bachelor: “The Most Dramatic Finale Yet”

humor, television, the bachelor, Uncategorized

It’s time for Ben to make the biggest decision of his life. And I’m not being hyperbolic, that’s actually how Chris Harrison’s voiceover describes it at the start of the show. Just based off of the amount of crying happening in the preview for tonight’s episode, this one looks like a doozy.

Chris Harrison, back on set to complete his two hours of required work each season, also teases at the beginning of the show that Ben might get married in the live after show at 10 p.m., because, like… why not?

Continue reading →

Let Me Upgrade Ya: Boys, Jobs, and Cell Phone Plans

Uncategorized

At a concert last night I was patiently waiting for the opening act to go on when I overheard a few drunken 40 year-old women passing some life advice down to two 20 year-old girls seated behind me. Hardcore eavesdropping, I overheard some surprisingly wise advice from one of the 40 year-old women. I’m still not clear how the topic came up or if this advice was at all solicited, but this woman began to talk about life and love. And while the advice wasn’t directed at me, I think I might take it.

This 40 year-old woman looked at the 20 year-old girls and said, “Girls, when you get a boyfriend you have to treat it like a job. You have to always be willing to upgrade. Just like everything in life.”

Continue reading →

What You Missed on This Week’s Episode of The Bachelor: Wait this isn’t an Episode of Teen Mom?

humor, the bachelor, Uncategorized

The first three minutes of the show are interrupted with a special news report about the Iowa Caucus. I’m sorry, but how is this more important than The Bachelor? Unless they are going to be caucusing on Lauren B. versus JoJo, I really don’t have time for this right now. ABC, know your audience. After the scariest three minutes of my life when the fate of this blog hung in the balance, ABC cuts back to the show. Thank god.

Continue reading →

To Tinder boys, with love

humor, Uncategorized

This holiday season, in the presence of several of my fully-grown, 401k-possessing, gainfully-employed cousins, I opened up an app on my phone in order to explain to them why the dating culture in college is so weird these days. And, as all of you literate folk who read the title of this blog post before clicking on it have probably guessed, yes it was Tinder. I’m sure there is a cooler, newer dating app I could’ve found, something like Hinge, or Bumble, or GrubHub, but I’m not with-it enough to have tried out any of the new and cool ones. Also, I’m beginning to think I might be using GrubHub wrong.

Continue reading →