Let Me Upgrade Ya: Boys, Jobs, and Cell Phone Plans


At a concert last night I was patiently waiting for the opening act to go on when I overheard a few drunken 40 year-old women passing some life advice down to two 20 year-old girls seated behind me. Hardcore eavesdropping, I overheard some surprisingly wise advice from one of the 40 year-old women. I’m still not clear how the topic came up or if this advice was at all solicited, but this woman began to talk about life and love. And while the advice wasn’t directed at me, I think I might take it. 

This 40 year-old woman looked at the 20 year-old girls and said, “Girls, when you get a boyfriend you have to treat it like a job. You have to always be willing to upgrade. Just like everything in life.” 

That woman, although perhaps a little misguided in how freely she offered up unsolicited life advice to drunk teenagers, had a point. In life, whether it is with your job or with boys or with phone plans, you always need to know when you are due to upgrade. What that woman meant, or what I think she meant at least, is that you shouldn’t ever settle for something or get stuck doing something that (or with someone who) is less than you deserve. Maybe I’m reaching with this one. Maybe you don’t agree with my interpretation. Or maybe that drunken woman was just slurring nonsense. But I like her advice and I’m going to take it.

Life is always going to throw you curveballs and your situation will always be changing. *Spoken in the Alec Baldwin “Always Be Closing” voice.* 


You can’t really count on anything in the world except that you can’t count on anything. What you, and I, and everyone need to recognize are those times when change in your life is good and those times when change is necessary. There are some times when changing your life allows you to upgrade your situation. Sometimes it’s necessary to leave behind what you have for what you might have. 

In a few months I’ll be moving home and attempting to save up money for a future life I might have. It’s a future life which I currently can’t finance and have no way of knowing whether or not will ever happen. And while I’m hesitant to call my post-grad plans an upgrade (because if you’ve ever been to Connecticut, you know that it’s not), I am hopeful that it’ll get me one step closer to living an upgraded life. Not a life that’s better than my one here in Boston, per se, but one that allows me to be more myself and to be truer to who I am. 

So to that drunk, openly Trump-supporting (she brought it up), 40 year-old woman sitting behind me, I have to say thank you. You had a point. In life you have to know when it’s time to upgrade. Whether that’s with a significant other who doesn’t treat you right, a job that doesn’t fulfill you, or with a shitty two year cell phone plan that you swear you were tricked into buying, you need to know when it’s time. Know when you’re due for an upgrade and insist upon getting it. You deserve it. 

So thank you, drunk woman behind me. I think I’ll heed your advice in the future. I’m glad you were sitting behind me last night. At least that is until you started drunkenly dancing and singing along loudly to the music. Then I really didn’t care for you at all.


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