What You Missed on This Week’s Episode of The Bachelor: IDK if Her Dad Would Really Be Proud

television, the bachelor, Uncategorized

Sometimes I think I would be more psychologically healthy if I didn’t watch this television show. Unfortunately for me there is no twelve-step program designed to get me to stop watching, no nicotine-style patch to help me get over this addiction. So I’ll just keep writing until years and years into the future, with my dying breath, I whisper, “What even are the right reasons?”

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What You Missed on This Week’s Episode of The Bachelor: ‘In it to Twin it’

humor, the bachelor, Uncategorized

Oh my God, we’re back again. Brothers, sisters, everybody sing. Gonna bring the flavor, show you how. Gotta question for you better answer now, yeah.

Here goes nothing:

Now accepting applications for a new friend. No previous experience necessary.

humor, Uncategorized

Screen Shot 2015-12-08 at 4.52.16 PM.png

So I’m accepting applications for new friends beginning in January 2016. It’s a new year, new friends, right? From what I hear new friends are silver. Or are they gold? I can never remember. What follows is a list of the qualifications and characteristics I am looking for in a friend.