What You Missed on This Week’s Episode of The Bachelorette: This is What My Soul Feels Like

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Brace yourself for a dramatic emotional roller coaster ride on The Bachelorette (directly lifted from the intro to the show):

Shawn arrives in Kaitlyn’s room and Kaitlyn is concerned that Shawn knows that she “was intimate with Nick.” Kaitlyn is definitely right to be concerned, because Nick is definitely the last one who I would want keeping my secrets. He doesn’t have the best track record. 

The show cuts to clips of Kaitlyn crying on the Irish hillside, upset that she “is disappointing everyone.” Does she read this blog? So far she is spot on, reading my mind. Back at the mansion that they are staying in, Shawn sits on some steps and ponders life. Kaitlyn is having a two-on-one date with Kentucky Fried Joe and J.J. (Redick?). Well, this ought to be awkward. The boys and Kaitlyn all sit down to a picnic in Howth, Ireland, overlooking the Irish cliffside. Kentucky Fried Joe pulls Kaitlyn aside to tell her that he is falling in love with her. But at this point he is pretty late to the game. At least five of the other guys have admitted to being in love with her already. My favorite part of this date is when J.J. pulls Kaitlyn aside for some one-on-one time leaving Kentucky Joe alone, drinking Champagne by himself in Ireland.  

As if we need a new reason to hate him, J.J. admits to Kaitlyn that he cheated on his ex-wife. J.J. gets sent home and compares it to being “blindsided by a semi-truck.” But J.J. has a daughter at home, is Kaitlyn really mature enough to be someone’s stepmother? I don’t think so. Buh-bye now. Joe gets some extra one-on-one time with Kaitlyn, and back at the house Shawn is still sitting on the steps hours later. Has he been sitting there all day? Who’s to say? 

Joe comes back and tells the boys about his date, but Shawn just can not even, and leaves to go talk to Kaitlyn. I’m pretty sure every week Shawn’s pants get tighter. I don’t hate it.  Kaitlyn starts crying on camera because she is afraid of what Shawn is going to tell her: tumblr_m2w3nqb5aQ1qhz15do1_500

But turns out he actually comes up there to talk to her about their relationship. At least I think that is what he was trying to say. Direct quote might have been something along the lines of, “I came up to talk to you about our talk the other night so that we could talk about our talk” or something to that effect. She has been giving him a lot of reassurance lately, and it makes him feel worried when the other guys talk about their relationships with her. Did Shawn think that she was just going to pick her husband six weeks in? That is not how this show works.

Shawn is all like: 

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And Kaitlyn is all like: 

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Somehow, Kaitlyn regrets reassuring Shawn so much but she doesn’t regret having sex with Nick. Hmmmmm. Interesting. 

Finally it is time for a rose ceremony. Seriously, they barely even give out roses on this show anymore. EVERY single rose ceremony Kaitlyn talks about how tough a week it has been, and seriously, do you think there will ever be an easy week? The boys are shaken by the fact that Kaitlyn seems more unsure than ever. She keeps talking about the mistakes she made, and every guy secretly wonders if she’s made the mistake with them. 

Ben H. confronts Kaitlyn at the rose ceremony about the Shawn situation. You know, about that time that she said she that she wants all of him, forever, him and her. Ben hits the nail on the head, and calls her out for her telling Shawn that he is the one. And it kills me to say this, but someone really needs to hug this girl and tell her everything is going to be alright. At this point, I might fly to Dublin to do it. This is really sad.

The only good news about her admitting “mistakes” is that finally Nick is worried about his situation. Kaitlyn and Nick talk and she tries to tell him how nervous she is about him outing her as the slutty bachelorette. Cue the fake tears, Nick. That will definitely win you sympathy votes, I guess. Although, your personality wins you all of my sympathy votes. He literally tries to kiss her in the middle of her talking. LET THE WOMAN SPEAK. 

The show cuts to Shawn staring into the lit fireplace with the intensity of Harry Potter trying to communicate with Sirius Black in The Goblet of Fire.  giphy

Shawn and Kaitlyn talk and she says that she is sorry for causing unnecessary tension. He leaves, less sure than ever. But, I don’t see why he is worrying. She is showing no signs that she ever intends to have another rose ceremony. 

Chris Harrison arrives, from his vacation that he has been on for the past six weeks. Seriously, does he even matter anymore? 

Kaitlyn gives out roses and we say goodbye to Tanner and Ben Z. Somehow, Cupcake Chris is still on this show. He squeezes by every episode with the resilience of a really bad UTI. Once again, I’m just going to leave this here:  ee907cb0-e0b7-0132-4644-0ebc4eccb42f-1

The boys and Kaitlyn are roadtripping to Killarney, and Jared and Kaitlyn drive in a car while the rest of the boys have to ride in what looks to be the lamest party bus ever. Although, they might have it better off, as Kaitlyn almost drives onto the curb multiple times.  

Back on the bus, Shawn is snoring and keeping the boys up. Cupcake Chris describes Killarney by saying, “This is what my soul feels like.” Oh, lord. Kaitlyn and Jared make it to her hotel in one piece.

Later, Chris Harrison goes up to see Kaitlyn to talk about her situation, to which Kaitlyn responds, “What now?!?” Chris Harrison should maybe be looking for a new job. I don’t know if Jeff Probst is still doing Survivor, but maybe Chris could host a re-boot. 

Side note: Does Chris Harrison have someone to dress him? He shows up to Kaitlyn’s room wearing a green jacket over a navy pullover. You are on television. Pull yourself together.

Chris Harrison decides to bend the rules and gives Kaitlyn some more off-screen time with some of the boys. Next week she is going to cut the number of boys down to three and then she will get overnight dates with each of the three boys before they go to their hometowns. Oh boy. Looks like Chris isn’t the only one who will be doing a little bending.  

Cupcake Chris gets a one-on-one date with Kaitlyn, which he is obviously really pumped for. Chris’ date with Kaitlyn involves another helicopter ride, this time to the Cliffs of Moher. They sit by the cliffs and Kaitlyn cries to Cupcake about this experience. They pretend to talk about their future for a few seconds, and then she cries some more about how she is leading him on. She cuts him loose. Apparently Cupcake hits all of the boxes on her checklist, but he’s still not the one. He’s going home and to be frank, Kentucky Fried Joe is next.

This ’bout to be the most awkward helicopter ride ever. Seriously, when on a date so extravagant that you have to helicopter there make sure you break up with them after the helicopter ride. On second thought, Kaitlyn and the helicopter ride off into the distance, leaving Cupcake behind. He is standing dangerously close to the edge of the cliff, though, and the producers nervously inch toward him, anxious that he might jump. He cries by the cliff for a little while, while Kaitlyn flies off into the sunset. I’m just going to leave this here as well: tumblr_ln15atn6UD1qkae66o1_1280

Well, it looks like we’ll have to wait until next week for more details. 

This Week’s Picks: Ben H., Shawn B. and Jared. To be honest, these are the only three I like anymore. 

Here is a guide for any of you who are confused: The Remaining Bachelors

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