What You Missed on The Bachelor: Hasta La Cheese Pasta

humor, television, the bachelor, Uncategorized

When we left Nick last, ABC had just manufactured a meet-up with everyone’s favorite of his ex-girlfriends. No, no, it wasn’t Kaitlyn. It was Andi. Remember Andi? 

If you’re wondering why Andi’s there, you are not alone. Me, Nick, most of Bachelor Nation, and possibly even Andi herself, are with you. It basically makes no sense for her to be there.

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What You Missed On This Week’s Episode Of The Bachelor: Is He Allowed To Do That?

humor, television, the bachelor, Uncategorized

And then there were three.

This week’s episode takes our three remaining girls and Ben to Jamaica. “The water is blue, the air is fresh,” and Ben is starting to sound like an idiot. As Ben intros the girls he lists his reservations about them. With Caila, he has a real problem with how happy she is. Basically she smiles way too much for him. I guess that phrase happy wife happy life really doesn’t apply to him. Ben:

What You Missed on This Week’s Episode of The Bachelorette: This is What My Soul Feels Like

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Brace yourself for a dramatic emotional roller coaster ride on The Bachelorette (directly lifted from the intro to the show):

Shawn arrives in Kaitlyn’s room and Kaitlyn is concerned that Shawn knows that she “was intimate with Nick.” Kaitlyn is definitely right to be concerned, because Nick is definitely the last one who I would want keeping my secrets. He doesn’t have the best track record. 

What You Missed on This Week’s Episode of The Bachelorette: The Biggest Conflict to Hit Ireland Ever

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The most glaring part of Kaitlyn and Ian’s conversation at the beginning of this episode is the bald spot that is shining and shimmering on top of Ian’s head. The first of Ian’s genius moves at the rose ceremony is to question Kaitlyn’s intentions. He doesn’t stop there though, because next he calls her a superficial person. Rounding out his trilogy of brilliant boyfriend moves, Ian calls the girl “surface-level.” After getting this off his chest Ian storms off and leaves the show. But, honestly, I think he’s got bigger problems than this show. He is dealing with a serious case of male pattern baldness right now. He has a lot on his plate.