What You Missed on This Week’s Episode of The Bachelorette: WAY TOO EARLY FOR I LOVE YOUS

humor, television, the bachelor, Uncategorized

Due to some technical issues, I missed the first fifteen minutes of the show and am the going to have to draw from Twitter to summarize what happened at the beginning of the episode. Here’s what I got for you: Chad showed up at the house and Jordan Rodgers gave him the opportunity to apologize. Chad says no, confirming what Justin Timberlake always knew, which is that it really is too late to apologize. Chad instead throws his protein powder in the air a la LeBron James (more on the Cavaliers later).

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What You Missed On This Week’s Episode of The Bachelorette: I Get It, His Brother’s in the NFL

humor, television, the bachelor, Uncategorized

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. My excitement level is off the walls right now, guys. This is as exciting as Christmas morning, my birthday and National Mac & Cheese Day all combined and then squared. I will say this, I definitely haven’t gathered enough GIFs of the singer JoJo for this upcoming season. I’m a little unprepared, TBH. I’ve written JoJo (the singer) to request that she come out with some new music just so that I can use it for the blog, but her representatives have yet to reply. (Is JoJo even high profile enough to have representatives? Will ponder that.) 

As I write this I am pounding red wine trying to keep up with The Bachelorette drinking game (where there are no winners; everyone is the loser), and struggling to keep up. You basically have to drink every time someone monologues while looking into the distance. So after just the introduction, where JoJo looks longingly at a fountain, at a stream, at the oceanside, I’m getting tipsy and have to quit this game. But let the episode begin: 

Gradu(h)ating Life Right Now

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For all of the excitement and praise you receive on graduation day, no one ever thinks to warn you about how sad it really is to graduate. In between the “You did it’s” and the “We’re so proud of you’s” is just the most frightening mixture of nostalgia, fear and lack of control. I felt it yesterday, sitting at my dorm room window, looking over the field as the maintenance staff of Boston University cleaned up discarded water bottles, graduation ceremony programs and graduation caps that were thrown into the air one minute and then left behind the next. 

My Fake Boyfriend, Ryan Gosling

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I have a fake boyfriend and, before I get too far into the details, I know this makes me sound a little pathetic. But hear me out. I’ve gotten to a point in my perpetually-single life where I feel the need to compensate for never having an answer to the question, “Anyone special, these days?” My stand-in long-time answer used to be, “lots of guys and none of them are special,” but this sort of makes me sound like I have a parade of men marching through my love life, which is just not true. So I’ve devised a new answer for when I’m inevitably asked that at large family gatherings or for when I run into a friend I haven’t seen in a while. And I’ve put a lot of effort into creating someone who I think is the perfect fake boyfriend. He goes by the name Ryan Gosling.