#life

A Letter To Myself At Sixteen

advice, Uncategorized

Dear Amy, 

How have you been? Of course, I’m asking more out of politeness and courtesy than anything else. If I think back hard enough I can remember how you have been feeling lately, how I was feeling six years ago. Congrats on finally getting your braces off, by the way. Metal-free is the way to be, after all. I actually am writing with a purpose larger than just congratulating you on your metal-free existence. If you can tear yourself away from David Caruso and his sunglasses and whatever Sean Kingston song just came out, I want to tell you some things. 

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Gradu(h)ating Life Right Now

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For all of the excitement and praise you receive on graduation day, no one ever thinks to warn you about how sad it really is to graduate. In between the “You did it’s” and the “We’re so proud of you’s” is just the most frightening mixture of nostalgia, fear and lack of control. I felt it yesterday, sitting at my dorm room window, looking over the field as the maintenance staff of Boston University cleaned up discarded water bottles, graduation ceremony programs and graduation caps that were thrown into the air one minute and then left behind the next. 

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Coffee and Me: A Love Story

humor

In the same way that serious drug addicts will never forget their first hit, I will never forget my first cup of coffee. It represented, for 16 year-old me, the surest and easiest way to look, seem and act mature. Packaged right in the styrofoam cup in my hand was a quick and easy way to develop yellowed teeth, insomnia and so many other adult problems that I have since acquired. And if I were smart, I would have swatted that cup of black coffee out of my own hands and run for the hills with the fervor and determination of the von Trapp family at the end of The Sound of Music. 

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Say Goodbye to the Best Excuse You’ve Ever Had: I’m in College

advice, humor, Uncategorized

If Marathon Monday shenanigans have taught us anything over the past four years, it’s that we can get away with a lot of things under the blanket excuse, “I’m in college.” And as we prepare to say goodbye to our friends, TITS Thursdays and the lovely men behind the counter at T Anthony’s, I think we also need to be prepared for when we have to say goodbye to the greatest excuse we’ve ever had for anything: “I’m in college.” In no other place but college could we get away with the kinds of things we get away with now. Think about it: 

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Relax, I’m Still Figuring It Out

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I think the scariest part about senior spring semester is that I am starting to have to ask myself some very adult questions. I’ve written about denial, about my future potential unemployment and about a lot of other things that I’ve been working through in my life. The most recent in my long list of issues I’m grappling with is my struggle to figure out what I’m going to do with my life, or more accurately, what I want to do. 

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Did anyone check to make sure “Denial” isn’t actually a river in Egypt?

advice, humor, Uncategorized

I have to ask: Does everything really have to end?

I know the short answer to this is, “Yes, of course everything ends.” Through teary eyes, I watched the last scene of F.R.I.E.N.D.S., where the six keys sit all alone on the counter in the empty apartment and, in that moment, I knew that everything ends. But as I watched the cameras pan through the apartment I secretly hoped everyone would come back and that they would bring the barcaloungers and the large porcelain white dog. But I knew they wouldn’t.

Without getting too depressing, people die, stories end, and television shows get canceled out of the blue. (Fifteen years later and I’m still a little bitter about Freaks and Geeks.) So are endings really inevitable? 

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How to Play “The Game”

humor, Uncategorized

Recently while I was hanging out with three of my girlfriends, I drafted a text message to send to a guy. It was the type of text message that had to simultaneously say, “I’m cool but not conceited,” and “I’m both fun and funny.” You can imagine the pressure. 

After drafting the text message I did what any normal girl would do: I passed it around one-by-one so that my friends could read it and help me weigh in on whether or not I should send it. The text message went through a series of rigorous examinations to make sure it was send-worthy. We did focus groups on whether or not it was funny enough. We held caucuses on whether or not I came off too strong in the text. We made graphs and charts to determine if I’d waited the necessary amount of time since he texted me last. 

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Let Me Upgrade Ya: Boys, Jobs, and Cell Phone Plans

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At a concert last night I was patiently waiting for the opening act to go on when I overheard a few drunken 40 year-old women passing some life advice down to two 20 year-old girls seated behind me. Hardcore eavesdropping, I overheard some surprisingly wise advice from one of the 40 year-old women. I’m still not clear how the topic came up or if this advice was at all solicited, but this woman began to talk about life and love. And while the advice wasn’t directed at me, I think I might take it. 

This 40 year-old woman looked at the 20 year-old girls and said, “Girls, when you get a boyfriend you have to treat it like a job. You have to always be willing to upgrade. Just like everything in life.” 

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I’m Only in it For the Chicken Wings

humor, Uncategorized

I was once told by a friend of mine that if I pretended to like football, guys would like me more. Because isn’t that every girl’s dream? Changing who she is to please a man? Maybe that friend was right, I don’t know. But with the Super Bowl this weekend, it has never been more clear to me that I don’t like football and I never will.

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