The gist of the thirty second preview of tonight’s episode is that everyone is crying. About what? I couldn’t say. (Maybe they’ve finally realized that their chances of finding true love on this show are slim to none.) But let’s launch into this recap. This week the show takes the girls and Ben to his hometown: Warsaw, Indiana.
Where did we leave off? Oh yes, I remember.
Ben has pulled Olivia off to the side but a question still lingers in the air: Will he take the rose away from her?
I was once told by a friend of mine that if I pretended to like football, guys would like me more. Because isn’t that every girl’s dream? Changing who she is to please a man? Maybe that friend was right, I don’t know. But with the Super Bowl this weekend, it has never been more clear to me that I don’t like football and I never will.
The first three minutes of the show are interrupted with a special news report about the Iowa Caucus. I’m sorry, but how is this more important than The Bachelor? Unless they are going to be caucusing on Lauren B. versus JoJo, I really don’t have time for this right now. ABC, know your audience. After the scariest three minutes of my life when the fate of this blog hung in the balance, ABC cuts back to the show. Thank god.
Oh my God, we’re back again. Brothers, sisters, everybody sing. Gonna bring the flavor, show you how. Gotta question for you better answer now, yeah.
Here goes nothing:
You don’t know what you’ve got ‘till it’s gone, right Joni?
Guys, I have something to admit. I’m a One Direction fan. I sort of feel like I am admitting to you sensitive information more embarrassing than the time I accidentally stripped down naked in the girl’s locker room in high school. (That’s one story I’ll never tell. *In the Gossip Girl voice*)
The alternate title to this blog post was, “In four months I’m being evicted and fired from my job of 16 years.”
I knew this day would come, guys. I ignored it. I pretended that I didn’t see it on the horizon. I denied it. But now this day is here. I’ve finished my fall semester and I am now a second semester senior.*
Guys, this weekend has been rough. As excited as I was to see my family, and I have one of those strange families that gets along well, I have had a deep-seeded and very real fear of running into my high school classmates. I’m still friends with approximately 15 kids from high school, and the rest are just acquaintances who took Calculus with me, or who sat at the same lunch table with me once. They might be nice people, but reliving high school feels as nightmarish to me as reliving my wisdom teeth surgery. At least for the latter you are medicated.
The live television event of the summer starts now:
The show opens with Chris Harrison asking a studio audience if they are excited. What do you think, Chris? What do you think?
This post is going to be a little shorter, I hope, because I have much less interest in what the boys have to say this season. Or any season. I really don’t love watching a bunch of boys in a room shit-talking some girl. I am excited to see Chris Harrison host a show again. This is the most airtime Chris Harrison will get all season. You get to see C.H. do 80% of his work each season all in a 2 hour episode.
Okay, Here's The Situation 