Coffee and Me: A Love Story

humor

In the same way that serious drug addicts will never forget their first hit, I will never forget my first cup of coffee. It represented, for 16 year-old me, the surest and easiest way to look, seem and act mature. Packaged right in the styrofoam cup in my hand was a quick and easy way to develop yellowed teeth, insomnia and so many other adult problems that I have since acquired. And if I were smart, I would have swatted that cup of black coffee out of my own hands and run for the hills with the fervor and determination of the von Trapp family at the end of The Sound of Music. 

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Here’s What Happened on Game Of Thrones, As Told By Someone Who Knows Nothing About Game of Thrones: Yep, I Literally “Know Nothing”

Game of Unknowns, humor, television, Uncategorized

Don’t ask me what rock I’ve been hiding under, guys, I’m honestly not sure. Forgive me for poorly paraphrasing Ygritte, but I know nothing about Game of Thrones. So this recap series is going to be a little different than any I’ve done before.

Don’t get me wrong, I listened as my friends freaked out over last year’s leaked episodes. I, too, was surprised that Jon Snow and the red-haired actress started dating in real life. But I am not historically a Game of Thrones fan. Not even close. This recap is going to be told through the eyes of someone who knows almost nothing about the Targaryens or the generations-old rivalry for the throne. I’m jumping in here blind, not doing any research, and I am going to pick it up as I go. I hope you enjoy. Here goes nothing: 

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Say Goodbye to the Best Excuse You’ve Ever Had: I’m in College

advice, humor, Uncategorized

If Marathon Monday shenanigans have taught us anything over the past four years, it’s that we can get away with a lot of things under the blanket excuse, “I’m in college.” And as we prepare to say goodbye to our friends, TITS Thursdays and the lovely men behind the counter at T Anthony’s, I think we also need to be prepared for when we have to say goodbye to the greatest excuse we’ve ever had for anything: “I’m in college.” In no other place but college could we get away with the kinds of things we get away with now. Think about it: 

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DCOMs and What They Really Taught Us

humor, movie, television, Uncategorized

For me, Disney Channel Original Movies rank right below Mr. Feeny and right above The Reverend and Mrs. Camden on the list of most important influences on my childhood. And whether it was High School Musical Pop Up Edition or Halloweentown, I learned a lot from these films. Surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, the lessons you learn when you watch these movies as an adult change a little bit. As part of a little experiment I did (and as a way to put off all real homework), I rewatched a bunch of DCOMs to figure out what the real take-aways are. So here’s what I’ve learned: 

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Relax, I’m Still Figuring It Out

Uncategorized

I think the scariest part about senior spring semester is that I am starting to have to ask myself some very adult questions. I’ve written about denial, about my future potential unemployment and about a lot of other things that I’ve been working through in my life. The most recent in my long list of issues I’m grappling with is my struggle to figure out what I’m going to do with my life, or more accurately, what I want to do. 

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Did anyone check to make sure “Denial” isn’t actually a river in Egypt?

advice, humor, Uncategorized

I have to ask: Does everything really have to end?

I know the short answer to this is, “Yes, of course everything ends.” Through teary eyes, I watched the last scene of F.R.I.E.N.D.S., where the six keys sit all alone on the counter in the empty apartment and, in that moment, I knew that everything ends. But as I watched the cameras pan through the apartment I secretly hoped everyone would come back and that they would bring the barcaloungers and the large porcelain white dog. But I knew they wouldn’t.

Without getting too depressing, people die, stories end, and television shows get canceled out of the blue. (Fifteen years later and I’m still a little bitter about Freaks and Geeks.) So are endings really inevitable? 

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What You Missed on The Finale of The Bachelor: “The Most Dramatic Finale Yet”

humor, television, the bachelor, Uncategorized

It’s time for Ben to make the biggest decision of his life. And I’m not being hyperbolic, that’s actually how Chris Harrison’s voiceover describes it at the start of the show. Just based off of the amount of crying happening in the preview for tonight’s episode, this one looks like a doozy. 

Chris Harrison, back on set to complete his two hours of required work each season, also teases at the beginning of the show that Ben might get married in the live after show at 10 p.m., because, like… why not? 

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What You Missed On This Week’s Episode Of The Bachelor: Is He Allowed To Do That?

humor, television, the bachelor, Uncategorized

And then there were three.

This week’s episode takes our three remaining girls and Ben to Jamaica. “The water is blue, the air is fresh,” and Ben is starting to sound like an idiot. As Ben intros the girls he lists his reservations about them. With Caila, he has a real problem with how happy she is. Basically she smiles way too much for him. I guess that phrase happy wife happy life really doesn’t apply to him. Ben:

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How to Play “The Game”

humor, Uncategorized

Recently while I was hanging out with three of my girlfriends, I drafted a text message to send to a guy. It was the type of text message that had to simultaneously say, “I’m cool but not conceited,” and “I’m both fun and funny.” You can imagine the pressure. 

After drafting the text message I did what any normal girl would do: I passed it around one-by-one so that my friends could read it and help me weigh in on whether or not I should send it. The text message went through a series of rigorous examinations to make sure it was send-worthy. We did focus groups on whether or not it was funny enough. We held caucuses on whether or not I came off too strong in the text. We made graphs and charts to determine if I’d waited the necessary amount of time since he texted me last. 

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